I woke up this morning feeling really pensive. Today, my daughter graduates from college. I’m so proud of her achievements but just can’t help feeling that she’s all grown up. Where is my little girl whom I used to have to give a little push on a swing?
It does feel a little different now that my girl is independent, perhaps not needing that little push on the swing anymore.
Not too long ago, my daughter was just getting ready for her first day of school in primary 1.
As proud parents, we were busy taking photos to capture that special moment. We were really glad that she was finally a school going child, learning to be independent in school.
We watched her closely, supported her throughout her school years. There were ups and downs and plenty of “mummys” and “daddys”.
Over the years, “mummys” slowly became “mum” and “daddys” became dad. There were still the ups and downs. Tribulations and trials perhaps. And my girl was fast growing up.
Today, I watched my daugher deliver her school address, as school captain, to bid farewell to the college on behalf of her cohort as a Year 12 student. As a dad, it couldn’t be a prouder moment, eyes misting up along the way.
It ain’t easy being a parent. To be fair, I guess its not easy growing up as a daughter as well. Reflecting, here are 3 lessons I have learnt as a dad.
Firstly, letting go, and let God. Letting go is probably the most difficult part of parenting. We always want to be in control, to be there to protect our child. Sometimes, we even have to watch them stumble, fall or fail. Tears, anger, frustration…its painful to watch but its all about growing up, learning and knowing that they are able to pick themselves up and care for themselves. However, as a dad, I made sure that I am always somewhere close, just to offer a listening ear, a helping hand and gently lift them up from their gloom. And lots of prayers, especially for their Guardian Angels to keep a close watch.
Secondly, commiting to a relationship. Yep, one needs to be committed to a relationship, even in a parent-child relationship. Despite my sometimes crazy travelling work schedules, I make sure that I am all to my family when I am around them. I love the walks that I take with my children, especially my daughter. That’s where stories are told, laughters are heard, concerns are raised and values are shared. Over time, a trusting relationship is built.
Finally, celebrating their acheivements, big or small. Asian parents tend to be really tough on their kids, setting high if not, unreasonable benchmarks. I must say that I am guilty of this. However, I have also learnt, over time, to celebrate even the smallest win or the simplest of steps taken. Help your child gain confidence and it will do wonders. My daughter loves to sing. We encouraged her to join her school choir in primary school. Then she became the youngest member of our church choir. She was devastated when she couldn’t get into her secondary school choir. Life moved on. Somehow, through a twist of fate and lots of prayers, God led our family to Melbourne. Lin got back to her love of singing, got involved in school musicals and today, she sang her first solo in her school graduation ceremony! Wow.
Yep, today was a day of mixed feelings. The thought that someday soon, I may be walking down the aisle in church, giving my daughter away to her future husband, still scares me. Will I finally ‘lose’ my daughter then…? Wait, when that day happens, I will see it as a blessing, another achivement made by my daughter. I need to let go, let God. I will then commit to another phase of relationship with my daughter (and hopefully, a God fearing son-in-law as well) and celebrate that beautiful day! I can’t quite say I look forward to that day yet, but I do know, it will be another very special day like today.
To my daughter, “Lin, you are amazing today!” And in case, you do not already know, daddy (or dad) is there always, anytime, for anything.